According to Wikipedia, the purpose of a tool is, "to extend the ability of an individual." Human history offers myriad examples of how tools have extended human ability. Fire was a life-changing tool: from earliest days it offered warmth, light, cooking assistance and even sterilization. Crude tools to help hunt for food or to skin an animal soon became more complex and specialized to assist in particular ways.
Nature offers tools as in the form of plants and herbs that can nourish, heal, or preserve. Medicine can be a tool providing assistance in managing blood pressure, depression, epilepsy and so many other conditions; the proper management of those conditions can definitely extend our abilities. Medicine can often be the difference between life and death in battling cancer, infection, or other internal issues of the body.
There is no shame in having the right tool for the right job. When you need to cut down a tree, would you prefer a bow saw or a chain saw? If you want to sew a quilt, which is easier: hand sewing or machine sewing (I do understand that some find pleasure in hand sewing but it's definitely more time-consuming!). Would you prefer to walk 10 miles to work or drive? Walking was the means of transportation for hundreds of years but most people have no problem using a car as a tool to cover longer distances. When a tool saves time, that often frees up more time to focus on other things. You could walk to work (great idea if 2 miles or less), but for longer distances, walking means taking time away from other priorities like family or home responsibilities.
Clearly tools can increase our productivity, save time, even save lives. So why is there so much stigma about using a tool to assist with weight loss? Granted, some tools are better than others and any tool can be used for good as well as harm. Exercise can be one tool for greater health, but can turn into an obsession and addiction to fitness.
Some tools are just plain dangerous. Bulemia and anorexia are sadly tools that often entrap young people. But they are tools wrongly applied by trying to purge food already consumed or severely restricting food taken in. Growing up, I heard a lot about people using laxatives or diet pills as a tool for weight loss. Those tools often had disastrous results, even leading to death in some cases. Because some things presented as a "tool" can really be instruments of death, it's imperative to pick the right tool.
In my lifetime, I've tried a number of tools. My earliest recollection of attempting to lose weight was after an annual check-up in 6th grade when I was told I had to lose 10 pounds (today that amount seems negligible, but back then it seemed like a herculean task). All I remember was doing at least a hundred jumping jacks every day. I'm not sure how long that lasted or if I even succeeded in the short term. Definitely not in the long-term, since I spent the next 40 years battling obesity.
The summer after junior high (that was between 9th and 10th in our district), I made a goal of losing weight before entering high school. I had a friend that lived 3 miles away and that summer I rode my bike back and forth to her house almost every day. That may not sound like much but the last leg of that trip before reaching my home was to climb a hill that seemed like it was nearly vertical and had to be at least a half mile long. I remember the excitement when I could fit into a pair of one of my older sisters' cast off jeans (I'd previously always weighed more than them--very embarrassing to be younger and larger than your older sisters).
Over the years, I had many ups and downs, trying a variety of "diets." I also prayed my heart out for deliverance from my struggles with food. I can't tell you how many journals I filled with prayers, begging and pleading with God to remove temptations and change my heart. I filled notebooks with carefully copied verses about the self-control or temptation. But the common theme in all my efforts was that I was doing it alone and I underestimated the power of my food addiction.
Once I graduated from college and had a full time job, the ability to pay for a more expensive tool became available. So I joined a popular group in which you pay to attend a meeting and get some instruction on making better food choices. I met a friend there and we helped each other reach some intermediate goals. I remember her goal was to become pregnant because her doctor had told her that her weight was interfering with her fertility. I too, wanted to start a family and wanted to do so by starting out more healthy. While I did lose about 20 pounds in that group, when I later became pregnant, I was back to just trying to do the best I could solo. The nausea and extreme fatigue through my first pregnancy sort of derailed my health journey.
In the 10 or so years that followed with the cycle of pregnancy, nursing, then another pregnancy, I pretty much gave up even trying. Every day was survival mode. With one child, I valiantly tried to serve more veggies and cook balanced meals but by the time we had six children, the convenience of mac & cheese, hot dogs, and pb&j often won the day. How I wish I could relive those years and provide a better example to my kids!
After my sixth child was born, I started on a Christian weight loss plan. The plan followed diabetic guidelines and had an emphasis on renewing one's mind with Scripture. When I finally got serious about making changes, I did see some progress. Once a year, this organization offered a week long retreat at a beautiful conference center in Texas. All week long speakers would encourage participants in the Word, educate them on nutrition, offer exercise and active hobbies, and prepare three balanced meals each day. But I knew the cost would be a strain on our budget and my biggest fear was that I would spend the money and then go back to my own bad habits. Knowing I wanted to attend, my husband secretly registered me for the event and made all the arrangements to be off work so I could go. I remember a sweet friend who encouraged me with prayer along with a sweet note and some healthy snacks to take along (thank you, Jenny!). I did lose some weight that week. How could you not succeed when everything in that environment was set up to encourage and help sustain success? I could have tried to carry that into my home, could have sought, or found people to exercise with, but I let pride and embarrassment, keep me from freedom and slipped back into bad habits. I had been offered all the tools I needed but I failed to sustain it. I never humbled myself and asked for help from those around me and just kept suffering alone.
Fast forward to 2016 when I began experiencing severe pain radiating down my leg. The first recollection of it was when I took my oldest daughter on a college visit to Minnesota. By the time we made the 4 hour trek, I was already in extreme pain and could barely walk. We had to park in an area that felt like a mile away from the campus (along with a few trips back and forth during the day). I was so embarrassed for my daughter to have a mother shuffling along on the tour, struggling up stairs, and gasping for breath. I knew something had to change. When my ankles started swelling to dangerous levels, I finally went to the doctor where I was prescribed water pills (medicating my own failure), and compression socks (an accommodation for allowing myself to gain so much weight). The doctor told me I HAD to lose at least 20 pounds. She recommended a tool that at the time I considered too costly.
While researching other tools to help me lose weight, I read a book called "Wheat Belly" about the impact grains can have on our bodies as well as sugar. Written by a doctor, the book enumerated example after example of how people within his practice were freed from reliance on medication and from the bondage of obesity by removing gluten (not just celiac sufferers) and sugar. I'm not wanting to demonize the ag industry, nor open up a debate about the pros and cons of gluten, just wanting to describe one of the tools I used to help with my health.
I vowed to try it for at least 30 days (I figured I could force myself to do anything for at least 30 days!). For one month, I was going to kick wheat and sugar out the door. I kept a journal during that time and on day 6, I wrote,
"I'm struck by how I am not spending every moment consumed by food. Just a peaceful interest in future meal ideas, but a calm contentment when a meal is done." 10/06/16
That was a small indication of the power I'd allowed food to have over me. As I continued, I noticed that increased hydration and decreased sugar intake heightened the flavor of healthier foods. I found that vegetables were tasting much better to me. My appetites were changing and I saw progress. Over a 4 month period, I lost about 40 pounds--the most I had ever lost before.
What derailed me on that program? I let discouragement overcome me. I was wrongly focused on wanting others to notice my success. I was so disappointed when I felt like no one encouraged me on my journey, that I just threw in the towel and within a year, I'd regained that 40 and added probably another 20. My failure with that tool revealed that I wasn't really making a change for myself but for other people (not a good motivation to change anything). And I hadn't really addressed the underlying issues related to overeating.
In April 2019, I decided to re-enter the work force part time. One of the nights I trained with someone and she prepared a steamed bag of broccoli for her dinner. She also mentioned going walking or jogging with a friend. That kind of got the wheels turning in my head. With the income from that part-time job, I decided to join the local health club. 4-5 times per week, I was arriving by 6:30am and staying 30-45 minutes per day. I spent almost a year doing that and even though I felt like I was trying to eat healthier, the scale was not moving.
When COVID hit in March 2020, the gym closed and I started to walk outside on nice days. It was a good way to get out from the self-isolation of the lockdown. But being home all day every day with little outside distractions also has a way of bringing out the worst of our habits. Suddenly, there were more hours in the day and a lot more uncertainty. And now a lifetime of emotional, stress eating got worse. The talk of morbidities and risk factors (obesity being a significant one) really began taking its toll on me.
By the time June hit, I was desperate to make some changes, so I reached out a friend who had had some success. Interestingly, it was the very program that my doctor had recommended years before. Once again, my encouraging husband was willing to let me give the program a shot. And once again, I vowed to give it my all for at least 30 days. I had the mindset that if I paid for something, I was going to get my money's worth and follow it completely. The refreshing difference of this program, however, was that it encompassed four components:
- Individual support with a buddy to guide me
- Educational support to learn how to eat and how to address wrong attitudes toward food
- Community support to celebrate victories and help work through setbacks
- Nutritional support of smaller, more frequent meals to keep body properly fueled each day
It feels like a tremendous privilege to read your open account. So helpful to understand what goes on inside someone’s mind!
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