"When you are born, you look like your parents, but when you die you look like your decisions."
That got me thinking about the substance of my life and the series of decisions that have made up my life. Those decisions can be major like where to attend college, who to marry, where to live, or what job to take. Other decisions can be significant but not necessarily life-changing such as what house to buy, how much to budget for groceries, what activities to pursue. Most decisions on any given day may not seem that important: will I exercise today? will I eat healthy? will I show kindness? All of those decisions make up the reel of my life: a series of decisions and choices that form a snapshot of my life.
Much of those snapshots may never be viewed by the world. But just as the photographer develops his film, so too, will the picture of who we are one day be fully exposed. I have never developed my own film but I was curious about what impacts camera exposure. According to the website, Masterclass,
"Camera exposure is the overall brightness or darkness of a photograph. More specifically, it's the amount of light that reaches the film or camera sensor when a picture is being taken. The more you expose the film or camera sensor to light, the lighter your photo will be. The less light, the darker your photo would be."
Before the advent of digital cameras, photography was always a gamble for me. Growing up, I used either a very inexpensive camera or a disposable camera and every photo was an exercise in faith and hope. I never knew if I had gotten a good shot until my prints came back from the developer. Many times I paid for photos that were out of focus, accidental, or completely dark. There was no "sneak preview" of the shot like we now have with digital photography. However, no matter what pictures I took, they were an accurate reflection of an unskilled photographer. When you took the shot, there was no editing the print.
I have mentioned before that cameras and I were never friends. Growing up, I was always struggling with my weight and I hated that feeling of exposure--the inability to hide anything from the camera. Not sure if the camera truly does add 15 pounds as I remember hearing, but when you are carrying an extra 50, 75, or 100 pounds, pictures offered a painful reminder of poor health decisions I had made. Some decisions were visible with the camera--my decisions to overeat for most of my life could not be hidden. Others may live with past decisions involving drug or alcohol addiction that can show itself on the outside as well.
With today's technology, every photo can be subject to tweaking. You can change your background and make it look like you visited exotic places. You can edit your own image, erasing wrinkles, blemishes, or that double chin that plagues you. But changing the photographic image does not change the original. We can create a fantasy image of ourselves online and even in real life we can perhaps hide some things. For years, I covered my muffin top with oversized clothes. The stretch marks that testify to decades of poor food choices are hidden from sight. My dental fillings are now tooth-colored so others may not be aware of past poor dental choices. Every decision that I make related to my physical body may be hidden now, but when I have died, a funeral director and a medical examiner will be able to read my body like a book.
I have been fascinated by detective shows that include a medical examiner. A detective of the body, an ME can determine your last meal, whether you have given birth to children, whether you were a smoker or an alcoholic, had any previous broken bones, stitches or surgeries. My complete medical history would be laid bare on their table. Every decision I had made with respect to my body could be knowable by x-ray or scalpel. A sobering thought.
But not every decision I make involves my physical body. The decisions about what I expose my mind and heart to may not be captured on film, but they do not escape the notice of my Heavenly Father. This week attending a Bible Conference has offered me time to spend in the darkroom of my heart and mind. Examining images that emerge from the snapshots of my life.
It quickly becomes obvious as the Spirit washes over my soul like developing fluid washes over film, those areas of my life that had not been properly exposed to the light of God's Word. Times when the darkness of my sin dimmed the light of Christ within me. When unkind words were unleashed or impatience had the upper hand. Times when I failed to yield my will to the Lord's. When selfish desires or besetting sins blocked out any likeness to my Savior, when nothing but the blackness of my fallen heart could be seen.
When those darkened, poorly exposed images become fully exposed by my loving Father, I have another decision to make: whether or not I will confess my sin and allow the light of God's love and forgiveness to restore me. If I make the right choice, I have the promise that He will forgive:
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1John 1:9
If I had ever learned how to develop my own film, I could have saved myself a lot of money paying someone else to develop my lousy pictures. And how much better in life for me to take time to get into the darkroom of my life, and examine my own heart. Toss out the images that are darkened and do not reflect the light of Christ. As I read the Word, it becomes clear what areas of my life have been poorly exposed to the light:
"The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him who we must give an account." Hebrews 4:12, 13
Are you prepared for the day when the reel of your soul will be laid bare before a righteous and holy Judge--the Soul Examiner? When the film roll of your life's camera has taken its last picture and God examines its contents, will He find the Light of His Son, properly exposed on every frame? There is only one who can redeem us from complete darkness. Christ died on the cross, bearing on Himself the darkness of our sin to pay its penalty. Christ defeated that darkness so that we may live in His Light.
I pray that at the time of the Final Exposure of your life, there will be revealed a soul that has been sealed and waiting to be perfectly developed into the likeness of Jesus Christ. Until that day, let us moment-by-moment cry out with the psalmist,
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
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